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Thursday, December 10, 2009

All The Good Girls Are Home With Broken Hearts

Follow your heart, I said to him.
And so he did.
He wanted to leave, she said to me with satisfaction; with the air of one who agrees with the verdict rendered.
Those words were so painful they took my breath away, took all my words away.

Silence.

Every street is dark and empty now. The quiet is profound. It is always dark. It is not just my imagination.

I fantasized that I would follow him. I am only grateful that I recognize it was a fantasy.

You wanted to leave? Is that right?
You can never come back.
I am the only living woman in the world you can never talk to again.

Truth be told, you weren’t nice to me.
I may have given away all my power. You did not have to abuse it. You abused it.

You deliberately excluded me. You made it painfully clear exactly what I was missing each and every time. You let me know what fun things you were up to, and you were clear that I was never invited. It was always understood but remained unspoken that I was not wanted. You knew that if you said that, I would go on my way. You didn’t want that. You wanted me tied to an anchor. You are the ugliest anchor.

You were not nice to me. You lied a lot.
You probably never went anywhere fun at all!

I hope you have forgotten my name, forgotten every single thing.
I just wanted a friend I could trust, but I made a mistake in trying to build anything with you. I imagine that you have totally forgotten me. I imagine that I was never born in your world. I feel best when I imagine that we never met. (You broke my heart.)

My world was meaningless to you. I am relieved that you don’t know anything about me. My world is all I have and I have to treasure it, like a fine jewel. I have to appreciate myself. I can’t just find the worthiest specimen and suffer for him. That is no way to live.
I am safe with me. I am will take care of me. I will handle it.