Thursday, February 17, 2011

Here's A Tip For The Fellas, Too!

If your girl is a Rules Girl then she will have a great head shot that honestly despicts her best features and a quick but sweet bio. She will not have filled out all the questions, but you will know her most pertinent details right up front: age, location, profession. It is important to note that if a goodlooking woman has posted her pic on the internet, then she will be receiving an enormous amount of traffic. Personally, I average 17 messages a day. Younger girls may get more. Therefore you need to stand out.

The way a man stands out with women is by making a good first impression. This does not mean being a great guy to other guys. You need to change your priorities for your intended audience (i.e. women). If she seems like a woman you would like to get to know, the here are a few failsafe tips on how to get her attention and score a date for Saturday night.

1. Post a smiling photo
Do not expect a response if you do not have a photo.
Do not post a photo of any part of you that is naked.
Do not post a photo of you in sunglasses, or with a bunch of guyfriends on vacation (I find myself asking, Which one is he?).
For all you military men: Remove your weapon from the shot. Men in uniform are always very handsome but weapons are not romantic or appropriate for an initial photo exchange. Most importantly, do not send a photo of you and another girl - and scratching the face out is even creepier - or a child (too much too soon). The absolute best photos are relaxed shots from weddings with a drink in your hand, or with a pet dog. Your relaxed confidence comes out very cleary in these shots and those are the most attractive.

2. Read her profile. it may be brief but she will likely be clear on how she prefers to meet.
A Rules girl is looking to have a quick drinks date, known as Date Zero. This is not dinner. It's 60 mintures to determine if you would like to follow through with dinner. This will also separate you from the thousands of copy and paste emails that read "Hi. Email me if interested"

3. Get to the point
If you intend to meet this woman in real life, then say that in the first message, otherwise be prepare to be deleted.
See how quickly I got the point?
Keep your messages short and sweet. Keep your personal issues or problems to a minimum.
No woman cares what kind of day you had if she has never met you.
You are trying to make a good first impression here. Concentrate on being interested, not interesting.

3. Do not use "hun, baby, sweetie, gorgeous, beautiful"
It shows that you are de-sensitized to how nice those words really can be. Read: It shows that you are chasing so many women, you forget their names. Even an animal can sense tone of voice and no one is fooled by this. It makes an otherwise well meaning man seem desperate or cheap. Keep it classy. Use her given name.

4. Show Up On Time
I know a man that waits for no one. He has walked out of job interviews because they did not start on time. Making people wait is a power issue, pure and simple. If she is a Rules Girl, then you planned the date; you choose the place, you picked the time. If you can't get there on time, than it is poor planning on your part, it certainly isn't the woman's problem. No one cares about traffic or that you are busy. This is romance not business and being really busy is pure vanity. So being late makes you a vain man with power issues. Not attractive.

Bonus Tip: Offer To Reschedule
If you are really late for reasons that are beyond your control (i.e. spectacular Haz-Mat accident on the freeway that is all over the news, alien invasion, etc.) then call as soon as you can and politely offer to reschedule. The begins with an apology and ends with a fully planned date. Remember, she has the option to refuse. If you are gracious, you will get out of this looking like a Champ. If you are foolish, you will attract what you are.

The important point here is she is measuring how well you deal with change and/or undue pressure. I need to emphasis that you are hoping to make a good first impression with this woman. Women know other women. This one may not ber perfect for you, but she likely knows someone who is. I know a man who takes 3 girls out every Friday and Saturday. He is close to 300 hundred pounds and drives a truck for a living but he has what most men lack, he has game. He plans dates in advance, he shows up on time, he compliments women on what they are wearing, he buys a round of drinks and he goes on with his life. His little black book is bursting, he barely has time to answer all his calls.
He is the life of the party because he makes a good first impression.

When To Say "No" To A Date

The Rules insist that you go out on dates, even when you may not feel like it.
As a Rules girl and all things being equal, I agree without question, but from my experience there are times when certain messages are indication enough that a date will go poorly. Here they are in brief. Remember, Single Girl, you are supposed to average one date/ or event per week, anything less and you are saying no too often.
Passive Aggressive Behaviour
This is a message that is a complaint or a demand. Messages from passive agressive men sound like;
1. "Send me a picture"
Answer: No.
Let him masturbate in his mother's basement by himself, you do not need to get involved.
2. Long messages, or Too Much Information.
Anything that is longer than 3 sentences is a sign of an unbalanced mind.
Anything more than 3 texts in a row is a sign of an unbalanced mind.
Some silly girls will think that this means he is really into them. No, it's a sign that something is wrong.
Real relationships do not exist well at that kind of intensity level.
Lots of texting during work hours is also an indication that he doesn't have a demanding job. That is a red flag.
A lot of information right up front will usually work against anyone. Or it is what a practiced con man does to create confusion before he draws you in and steals all your money. It's not really a good impression if a man writes that he is really busy with his friends. job, kids. If he is on a dating website and it is his first message to you, it should logically be all about you. This isn't selfish, this is common sense. Being really busy is nothing more than pure vanity. We are all really busy, it's not something you need to advertise. So messages that start "we should get together but not this weekend because I am visiting friends/ parents/ aliens...etc." is really just a fantasy relationship. Delete it. He only has 4 messages to ask you out before you delete him anyway, and he just ruin his first attempt. Dud.
3. "How can I be sure you are interested?"
or, "Are you interested or should I look somewhere else"
or, "you don't sound interested"
(That's technically an ultimatum. i.e. read: If you do not prove to me you are interested in a short time frame I will look elsewhere)
There are 2 main threats here:
He has not defined the means by which he will be satisfied that you are interested and he is thereby setting the tone of the relationship; You will always be chasing/ cajoling/ ensuring/ convincing him of your affection. Buy him a pink tiara and then delete him. He sounds like a whiny Sicilian mistress.
You must operate according to his whim in the present tense.
His sentence requires you to make some sort of action...NOW!.
No one who means to be a blessing in your life will give you time limits for things that aren't money-related. The only things that require you to observe a clock are your job and your mortgage payment. If he wants that kind of service, he can hire a prostitute. It's probable that he already does.
4. "Write back if interested."
or, "Tell me more about yourself."
Since there is no material offer on the table, delete this message. It is the beginning of a fantasy relationship.
Never under estimate how much time a man can spend on the computer without actually doing anything. It will make you sad.
In short, you are never required to prove to a man that you are interested. Saying "Yes" is already investment enough.A full grown man asks "Would you like to have dinner?" and you will say either "Yes" or "No" and the world will keep turning. It is important to remember that you are looking for a man/ friends/ work colleagues who will be a blessing in your life. If the relationship is taxing, then it is not sustainable. It's that simple.

Monday, February 14, 2011

DATE #45 - February 13 "Catch and Release"

This man sent a message advising that he works in Toronto and lives in Montreal but is opening to meeting for dinner. Since he was never available on the weekends (when he flew home...not my problem), called me relentlessly from a blocked number and generally sounded married, I gave him polite but vague answers to almost everything. Since this technique inflames the heart of any man, he pursued me for 4 weeks before finally planning a romantic dinner at a Italian place in Yorkville on the day before Valentine's Day. The French typically have more game than the average North American and so I was not irritated even though he was a few minutes late (his plane was delayed...again, not my problem).
Dinner was elegant and well received. I pretended that I could neither read, write nor speak Italian so that he would be in a position of explaining and ordering for me.
Full Disclosure: Of course, I took Italian in university and I have been 4 times but no one likes a know-it-all.
He was incredibly curious. He asked a huge number of questions, almost to the point of suspicion. Since it isn't my responsibilty to be anything more than polite and sweet, his questions could have gotten overwhelming had I not paced myself.
Fuller Disclosure: It is important to note that an inquisition is not a conversation, which reminds me a funny Monty Python episode...
This man was married to his job. He admitted that he had not had time to buy furniture for his condo that he bought a year ago. He mentioned that he would be flying to Poland for a one-day meeting later in the week, He was very clear that he wouldn't not be back to Toronto over the weekend for many weeks. I was sweet but unfazed. The whole "catch and release" attitude of the date was perfect for his personality. He only wanted to solve the riddle of getting me to dinner, before becoming bored and moving onto the next challenge. He was 35 years old.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Date#43 - January 28 "Does this giant winter coat make me look fat?"

This man scheduled a date without asking for my phone number. Not a great sign. He asked me to suggest something near my home (good) but then tried to renegotiate the time when I suggested 8pm (re-negotiation for no good reason is argumentative and not a good sign). So instead we met at 7pm with the rest of the senior citizens from the suburbs.
He was unlike his picture but he had a friendly attitude and an intelligent mind.
The problem was me.
I had received some news that made me angry before I left for the date and showed up in a bit of a mood. I was sharp, aggressive and totally not in the right state to meet a romantic stranger. Dear Reader, Never do this!
Because we met at 7pm I was hungry and more irritated when he did not offer dinner. The bar became progressively more crowded, I had trouble hearing him and he did not close the deal. He had absolutley no game. He ordered a mojito and nursed it whilst watching me talk... and talk ... and talk. My internal dating clock gave the alarm after 50 minutes and so I jumped up and left. That was all.
But wait! There's more!
He wrote me a follow up email that same night saying that I was "crazy" but he would like to have another date with me. He said that I looked thinner in my picture but that was okay. This comment gave me pause. My photo is recent and accurate as a Rules Girl's should be but when I thought back to the date, I remembered that I did not take my winter coat off during the whole meeting. How could he say I was fat when I was wearing my winter coat? What part of me was fat? My face? Certainly not! The comment was extra strange given the source. Dear Reader you may note that I rarely if ever comment on a man's physical appearance. Only God can judge...
However, this man was indeed fat. He carried so much fat in his head and neck that his eyelids did not fully articulate open. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. I have never heard of a man calling a woman fat in order to get a second date, so that makes this man the very first to try it. Yuck!