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Thursday, February 17, 2011

When To Say "No" To A Date

The Rules insist that you go out on dates, even when you may not feel like it.
As a Rules girl and all things being equal, I agree without question, but from my experience there are times when certain messages are indication enough that a date will go poorly. Here they are in brief. Remember, Single Girl, you are supposed to average one date/ or event per week, anything less and you are saying no too often.
Passive Aggressive Behaviour
This is a message that is a complaint or a demand. Messages from passive agressive men sound like;
1. "Send me a picture"
Answer: No.
Let him masturbate in his mother's basement by himself, you do not need to get involved.
2. Long messages, or Too Much Information.
Anything that is longer than 3 sentences is a sign of an unbalanced mind.
Anything more than 3 texts in a row is a sign of an unbalanced mind.
Some silly girls will think that this means he is really into them. No, it's a sign that something is wrong.
Real relationships do not exist well at that kind of intensity level.
Lots of texting during work hours is also an indication that he doesn't have a demanding job. That is a red flag.
A lot of information right up front will usually work against anyone. Or it is what a practiced con man does to create confusion before he draws you in and steals all your money. It's not really a good impression if a man writes that he is really busy with his friends. job, kids. If he is on a dating website and it is his first message to you, it should logically be all about you. This isn't selfish, this is common sense. Being really busy is nothing more than pure vanity. We are all really busy, it's not something you need to advertise. So messages that start "we should get together but not this weekend because I am visiting friends/ parents/ aliens...etc." is really just a fantasy relationship. Delete it. He only has 4 messages to ask you out before you delete him anyway, and he just ruin his first attempt. Dud.
3. "How can I be sure you are interested?"
or, "Are you interested or should I look somewhere else"
or, "you don't sound interested"
(That's technically an ultimatum. i.e. read: If you do not prove to me you are interested in a short time frame I will look elsewhere)
There are 2 main threats here:
He has not defined the means by which he will be satisfied that you are interested and he is thereby setting the tone of the relationship; You will always be chasing/ cajoling/ ensuring/ convincing him of your affection. Buy him a pink tiara and then delete him. He sounds like a whiny Sicilian mistress.
You must operate according to his whim in the present tense.
His sentence requires you to make some sort of action...NOW!.
No one who means to be a blessing in your life will give you time limits for things that aren't money-related. The only things that require you to observe a clock are your job and your mortgage payment. If he wants that kind of service, he can hire a prostitute. It's probable that he already does.
4. "Write back if interested."
or, "Tell me more about yourself."
Since there is no material offer on the table, delete this message. It is the beginning of a fantasy relationship.
Never under estimate how much time a man can spend on the computer without actually doing anything. It will make you sad.
In short, you are never required to prove to a man that you are interested. Saying "Yes" is already investment enough.A full grown man asks "Would you like to have dinner?" and you will say either "Yes" or "No" and the world will keep turning. It is important to remember that you are looking for a man/ friends/ work colleagues who will be a blessing in your life. If the relationship is taxing, then it is not sustainable. It's that simple.

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