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Friday, March 4, 2011

Twice Is A Relationship

Tell me, Dear Reader, what is the definition of a relationship. More specifically, when are you in a a relationship? The Rules advise that you do not take your profile down until the man asks you to be exclusive. This proves difficult for women...
Take for example my dear friend who went on a popular dating website. She went on her first date with only the second man they matched her with and decided that he was The One and took her profile down, wasting 200 bucks for the year membership. She even gave the heave-ho to another amazing guy that she had just met in order to make herself that much more available.
Hint: Men do not find super-available women all that attractive.
His man was good on paper and their initial dates were very nice. Then she jumped into the sack with him and suddenly he didn't know if he really wanted kids like he said on his profile. Uh oh. She allowed herself to remain in denial by saying that he was getting older and that if he did not chose her, then he was missing his window of opportunity, so of course he was going to chose her...etc. It was the Process of Elimination courtship, I guess. But I know for sure that I do not want a man to marry me just because he is losing his window, also men can stay fertile far longer than women, so she was really kidding herself. This is a classic example of a Single Girl getting ahead of herself and investing too much, too soon.

So, back to the original question, at what point are you in a relationship with a man?
Is it after 90 days like in some self-help books say; or, is it after you have "The Talk", and does that even count if the woman brings it up? Sadly, not likely.
Sex is very important to men, so perhaps Twice Is A Relationship.
A one night stand is one thing but if he calls you a second time for a second dose of the same medicine, then it's a relationship. Maybe not a meaningful one, but we underestimate how much men value their time. They do not spend wasted moments with women they do not think are worthwhile. They certainly do not make the same mistake twice when it comes to sexual partners. The little girl in us wants a sure thing but the woman in us should recognize the value of a good old-fashioned passionate affair. These do not come around often and they are good for you! Back to my dear friend: I personally think that she should have slept with him when she wanted and gave him space when he started to freak out...by dating other people.

Often women do not listen to what men are really saying. They get hurt because their expectation is not being managed in accordance to what he is actually saying. A notorious womanizer asked my friend to dinner, she turned him down and when I asked "Why?"

She said: "I could never be his girlfriend"

This is a gross understatement. You could never be his girlfriend because he did not ask.
Girlfriend was never in negotiation, the offer of dinner was...er...the only thing on the table.

"Well, no, he WANTS me to be his girlfriend" she blubbered. Really? That's not what I heard him say.

The moral of the story is Don't get ahead of yourself, Single Girl. You want a relationship so bad, it's likely it's already being offered just not in the neat package you always dreamed. I encourage you to test the waters. I encourage you to say Yes to what looks like fun on Saturday night even if it may not be what your mother wants to hear on Sunday morning. I encourage you to go out even when you don't want to. I encourage you to actually LISTEN and OBSERVE what you are hearing and seeing. I encourage you value your time as much as a man values his and remember that Twice Is A Relationship.

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