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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Bachelorettes Are Not Alright

Bachelorette Ashley has fallen for Mr. Wrong.
Mr. Wrong describes himself as "a 30 year old child". Coincidentally, he also has a child of his own.

I have never watched the Bachelorette before but I can tell you right away that the premise is wrong. Women can not court men. However, she can make herself available and allow him to sweep her off her feet. I imagine that is how the show would work if The Bachelorette had met The Rules. Instead, we have the following mistakes made by an otherwise capable women.

The Bachelorette allowed herself to become emotionally involved in a man she just met, who did not care for her.Ashley mentions Mr. Wrong's name so often that I was tempted to invent a drinking game where I take a shot of alcohol everytime I hear her moan it plaintively to the full moon. "Mr. Wrong, come back to me..." This is the equivalent of laying down in the street and wondering why your clothes are dirty. Stand up, shut up and let him come to you. If she hadn't tried so hard to engage him, he may actually have tried to win her. This is a saying "men want what they can not have". No, we all want what we can not have. It's how emotionally immature people meet and marry to breed more emotionally immature people. Stop the cycle. In truth, she probably was more hung up on him because he was running away from her. Do not get bitter; just smarten up and stop being such an emotional train wreck because you are wasting precious time.

The Bachelorette asked overly personal questions before it was polite to do so.
Hear Ye, All Women! You are not in position to demand answers on everything when you just meet a man. You have secrets and so does he. Questions like "What is the hardest thing you have ever lived through?" and "Tell me about your divorce" are not first date conversation. Neither is asking about a man's child. Children and family are off limits unless volunteered. You are entitled to the truth upon making a new acquaintance, not a CSI profile.

The Bachelorette volunteered far too much, far too soon.
Do not answer questions you have not been asked. Do not treat your boyfriend like your sister. Think your thoughts rather than saying them for a change. Extreme details are something all single girls should get out of the habit of sharing with strangers or new friends. No one really likes that much honesty. Telling a group of men who are vying for your attention that you are broken-hearted over the recently departed Mr. Wrong is a sure-fire way to over-share and make yourself look silly. This brings me to my final point...

The Bachelorette does not love those who love her.
If I had 7 eligible bachelors and only room for one husband, I would be looking for reasons to disqualify them. Allowing a man to take the lead and disqualify himself would be a blessing rather than a curse. Mooning after Mr. Wrong long after he has flown the coop is a classic case of crying over a door closing and not noticing the 7 doors still open. A Rules girl knows better. A Rules girl knows in her heart that she is a blessing to any relationship, but only one lucky guy will get her. When The Bachelorette revealed too much, the men reacted in anger (read: jealousy). She damaged her image in front of them. They did not value her honesty because it flew in the face of how much she valued them. If you care about a relationship, you do not throw out emotional bombshells "just because". They could have gone on merrily never knowing that she almost threw them over for a total jerk. No harm done.
But now she has a need to tell eligible men about it?! WHY?
They were concerned that she was just a silly child and antics like that indicate she is.
If you need to vent, Single Girl, write in your journal. If you have a secret to share, call your sister. Unless he wants to be your boyfriend, then he is not interested or entitled to your baggage.

A Brief Note on Statements as Questions
My suspicion is that single girls volunteer too much, too soon because they are clouding questions as statements. Saying a statement like "I was really in love with Mr. Wrong" is a weak attempt at getting a man to declare his feelings for you. Statements as questions always back-fire. We do it because we are scared, and we always hear the wrong thing as a result. Instead of hearing, "he was a jerk" and "I would never do that to you" - which is what The Bachelorette was hoping to hear - the men reacted in a jealous rage and one silly fool gave her an ultimatum. She was right to call his bluff and load him on the boat, but she could really have avoided all that drama by keeping her insecurities to herself.

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