Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Rules Put All Men on an Even Playing Field

The Rules say "We only love those who love ourselves".
This means that among the many thousands of men out there, a girl does not need to exhaust herself wondering who likes her since there are quantifiable milestones against which to measure a man's interest. His actions speak loudest. The man who walks across a room to talk to you, who buys you a drink and asks for your number is the man who likes you. The others just aren't that into you. The End.

By that rationale, any man in the world has a shot at any woman in the world.
If he behaves decently and clearly, then every Rules girl will sit up and take notice. She will not be chasing other men in the room or trying to catch someone else's eye when you are talking to her. She will not blow off your planned date at the last minute for someone else. She will not burden you with a bunch of personal nonsense before you are ready.

I went out with some friends last Friday night and over the course of the evening 3 men bought me a drink. The first man was a very sweet older man. Not sure why I caught his attention but he sent a drink over and I thanked him graciously. The next man was a friend of a friend. He was very sweet and only spoke to me for a moment. He could be married, widowed or gay. I have no idea because a Rules girl does not quiz strangers on personal matters. Again, I thanked him warmly just once and when he left I went back to what I was doing. Finally, as I was walking out I ran into an old friend who is currently in an on again/ off again relationship of his own. He bought me a drink and we had a good conversation. That's it. Then I went home.

Compare these lovely men with a certain ladykiller (we will call him Johnny Utah) who I met the same night. While joining a friend outside while she smoked, I was introduced to Johnny Utah. I recognized his name because he had asked me to be his Facebook friend a while back but I (politely) declined because I do not allow strange men to get off on my page thank-you-very-much. Besides, his reputation already precedes him. I happen to know that he has a multitude of females he is currently seeing. One such female caused such a jealous ruckus the previous weekend that she had to be escorted outside to cool down. I do not need that kind of drama. This man - who was not really that good-looking - had all the confidence in the world and he knew that was attractive to women. This type of man is dangerous, Single Girl; Be Warned!

To recap, he did not walk over to talk to me in front of others, this man did not buy me a drink, he did not ask for my number. Instead, he bragged about how many ex-girlfriends he had, he spoke poorly about girls who made the mistake of falling for his charms and he spent a good amount of time leering down the top of my corset. He had the decency to tell me I looked beautiful - but really - I was already telling myself that so it was redundant. I casually looked around. He was pulling the whole James Dean-esque "I'm so unattainable" nonsense - in short, he was an asshole - and I realized that the other girls were eating this up! As a good Rules girl, I politely excused myself and went back to what I was doing.
First thing Monday morning, I received a message from him via Facebook.
"Hi Beautiful"
Let's analyze this, shall we? He didn't want anyone else to know he was sending private messages and he got around this by creeping me on Facebook. This isn't sweet, it's predatory. Furthermore, it's not a question, it's a statement. If he wanted an actual response, he would have send an actual message. He was trying to get something for nothing. He was trying to get me to waste my time tapping out a converation-starter while he masturbated in his parent's basement. I deleted it.
Then he he sent a Friend request.
I (politely) declined it.

Let's compare this to the message I received from the second man who actually bought me a drink.
First, he sent a Friend request. He did not wait until Monday to seem "cool". He sent it on Saturday. It was there when I woke up. After I accepted, he sent a little message saying that it was nice to meet me ...etc.
I waited 24 hours and responded a quick little note thanking him for the drink.
He followed up with a witty one-liner and I left it at that. If he wants to ask me out, he knows how. I don't need to hound him with silly text messages asking him "How was your day?" to remind him of my presence. That's annoying. It's also transparent. He knows what you are doing. It doesn't come off as sweet and genuinely interested like you were hoping, it comes off as needy.

Single Girl, the man who likes you and treats you like a lady may not be the most handsome guy in the room, but they call the others "ladykillers" for a reason. If you continue to become emotionally invested in men who are not that interested, then you will be old and bitter before your time. I have good dating karma because I do The Rules. Continue to look at the situation with clear eyes and full hearts and you can not lose.

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