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Monday, June 6, 2011

A Tale of Two Texters

This week, a man asked for my number because we both like...camping...and he said he would take me on a camping date.  But he did not give me his name. So this week he has been texting, and not getting responses, but still texting;

Tuesday: "hi its Mauricio" (Since I literally had no idea who that was, I made a choice not to answer out of safety)
Wednesday: "hi its Mauricio from pof" (Okay. Now I know who you are. But why should I care?)
Thursday: "?". (me too Mauricio, me too...)
Friday: "Elle is something wrong? do I have the right number lol" (Is this funny Mauricio?)

Four days later...
This man actually called on a Tuesday night at 9:30!
He called... and sadly, he failed to complete the task he had set for himself which might have been ...actually talking to me...

He couldn't get my name right and was condescending when I corrected him. He asked how I was and then repeated my answer in a high falsetto like he was imitating my voice. I hung up.
He texted: What's wrong? I just want to be friends...
I am so grateful that I did not go to any effort to learn more about this guy.

The fact that he did not call me and act normally is evidence enough that he is not serious about this whole dating thing. The first rule of thumb is do not waste another person's time, and he was clearly wasting mine.
But...be cautious Single Girl!
The urge at this point might be to send your number out to one and all like so much bait and then see who reels you in.

No so! Just because texting is not the correct means to "get to know someone" does not mean that you can start breaking The Rules. You still only give your number out when you are asked directly. And "Do I have your number?" does not cut it.

Just to prove The Rules, I did the exact opposite of the above advice. On Monday I had 2 POF messages, both from interesting men. One man wrote that he wanted to take me out and named a place (but not a time! This is called "bookmarking") and the other asked if we could "chat". To the first man, I wrote that I accepted his "date" and gave my number. To the second, I waited 24 hours and then wrote back "Sadly, I do not chat on the internet" and no further details.

Pop quiz, Single Girl; which man am I still talking to?

If you guessed the man who mentioned a date, then you guessed wrong. The man who got my number without asking treated my number like something that was worthless and never called. He thought I gave it out to anyone. A phone number is an extention of yourself, take care of it. You are going to be crushed if you give your number out and no one calls. That's normal! So do not set yourself up for disaster.

The man who wanted to chat is not serious either but I still get the odd message from him. The point is, he has not lost interest. Why? Because I haven't burdened him with a bunch of nonsense. I haven't given my number to him without asking. I haven't made myself overly available, or inexplicably rigid. This feels a lot better than wondering why the guy didn't call, doesn't it?

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