Friday, August 26, 2011

Date#50 - Rhymes With Fenk

This was my first eHarmony date. Well, almost.
The eHarmony method for online dating is called "guided communication" and it works like this: He wrote me pre-screened questions, then the personality stuff, then three pre-screened open-ended questions, then open mail. So until that point I really knew nothing about him. He sent 2 messages and then asked me for my number. He called me on Monday night for a Thursday night date. He had a high pitched, feminine voice and a strange name (rhymes with fenk).

I knew right away it was going end in madness because he started off by saying the one thing you should never hear from a prospective date: "I'm just at the airport and I'm about to catch a plane but I thought I would give you a call". I wonder if it is as awful to say as it is to hear. To all the men out there let me just say, my father invented "I've got to catch a plane". And he was an ACTUAL Aeronautical Engineer who worked for the Pentagon and then the CIA. But the result is the same. He was never available for anyone, not even himself. He died wildly successful but alone. But back to my date...

He said he was leaving on a Tuesday but returning Thursday and could we meet then? He mentioned meeting at 7:40 or 7:45. I found his time specificity strange but let it pass. He said he was open to coming out to my area. I repeated where I lived in the west end and he confirmed he could come out there. This part is important, Dear Reader, because it comes up again later. He said he'd call me Thursday to firm up plans. Thursday was a big day for me because I already had a quick party after work. That and this potential date warranted my very first blow out. So with perfect hair and perfect lips I waited with baited breath for his phone call.

And at 4:15 I got a text asking where I'd like to meet.
Now, two things are important to note at this juncture, Dear Reader. The first is that The Rules say it's okay for a man to book a day and time and not tell the location. This is from the days when men picked women up. The location is his responsibility (unless he specifically asks) and yours is to look cute. The second is a man must come out to see you. It's never okay for him to expect you to fend for yourself. Well, I did what any Rules girl would do and I texted that he should call after 5pm.
He indicated that he was on a conference call until 5:30 and could he call then? (warning# 1)
I said sure, and he called at 6:07pm. (warning #2)
I missed the call (Fate!) and called him back. The Rules say that you can only call back to confirm meeting plans. He said that he was finished his work day but he was going to go for a 30 min bike ride. (oh, am I bothering you? As if)
He asked where I wanted to meet and I said that I was still in the financial district if he wanted to meet downtown.
Well, No, he said. He was home now. Where else could I meet? (Please note, this is becoming dangerously close to me dating myself - warning #3)
I choose a Keg at the corner of 2 highways in the west end. Men from Niagara Falls have complimented this choice for it's convenient location.
There was a pause, and then...He asked if I drove. (Uh oh)
Well, he began, he wanted to meet somewhere closer; he was on the other side of the city, you see... and could I meet him... (he never mentioned a location) at 7:45?

For some reason, the oddly specific timing seemed funny to me. It was very obvious that he was trying to fit this "date" in before something else in his busy schedule, but after the bike ride. Stifling giggles I said, No. Given the circumstances, the location I mentioned was the most convenient for me. I simply could not make it anywhere else in the city in the time allowed. I felt like I was on a episode of "Minute To Win It". I mean, how many locations can this guy kibosh?
He got very angry, very quickly. (uh oh)
What do you mean? He asked angrily, "under the circumstances"?
Well, I gently explained, it was less than 1 hour to our "supposed" date and we had yet to choose a location.
He paused briefly and stated with an I'm-over-it attitude: "You know, I'm gonna pass" (he's gonna pass on a date that he didn't plan?). The idea that he was going to pass on a date that he had initiated again struck me funny and I began to giggle.
"Ok" I said and clicked off while he was still talking. Then I went back to the party I was already at.

It is important to note, Single Girl, that any man who would choose a bike ride over a potential date with a real live girl is already getting his pussy from somewhere. More to the point, he didn't want to meet me because he couldn't control me; because I wasn't at his beck and call. In both cases, I dodged a bullet.

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