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Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Date#49 Competitive Men Choose Activity Dates

This man saw my dating profile on POF and he wrote me a couple of emails.
He asked me for a drink via online message on a Wednesday night and I accepted on Thursday. I strongly recommend that you do NOT do this, Single Girl, and keep to the three day Rule. Otherwise, it causes a mad rush of telephone calls that just end up being confusing and ill-planned. This is exactly what happened. His email was not specific and it was a question bulked in with a bunch of other questions...

Can I get your number? Yes.
Do you want to go for a drink this weekend? Not specific enough.
Do you have any other pictures? No.
...The best thing you can do in this case is politely decline with "Thank you but I already have plans" and hope he ups his game the following week.

Instead, I stupidly agreed and provided my number.
He immediately started texting on a Friday morning during work hours. Another bad sign. I ignored it (Single Girls Don't Text) and at 9:30 am he actually called me. I told him I was interested but that I was at work and could he call back after 5pm? I figured he would get all irritated like most men do when you point out they are not the centre of the universe and/or god's gift to women...but he surprised me by being quite apologetic and then said something that made me furrow my brows "I forget that most people are working right now". I let it slide and hung up. He texted again saying that I had a nice voice and repeated: "I forget that most people have regular jobs.lol."

Now, I know when I am being baited.
I just wasn't interested in him enough to ask what the hell he meant. He seemed eager to spill, so I'm sure he will bore me to tears with whatever story he wanted to tell on the date, provided he plans one. The ball was firmly in his court.

I promptly forgot about him and was walking up Spadina at 5:30pm listening to music when he called again. He broke all the cardinal rules of a proper dating-planning phone call:
He called from a outdoor concert. Too Loud.
He called when he was with friends. Too Insecure.
He called while drinking. Too Stupid.
He wanted to meet on Saturday and play some pool downtown. I said I preferred something closer to (my) home. He countered with "Let's go to Taste of the Danforth". I said I free on Sunday, not Saturday. He said 4pm. I said 8pm. He said that it closed early on Sunday. (This is a lie). I said"Fine. Where?" He mentioned a street corner...

Let me jump in here, Dear Reader, and explain something very important.
Never - under any circumstances - will you EVER agree to meeting on a street corner. There are the obvious reasons (i.e. safety, weather) and then there is the real reason. Taxi cabs do not even take requests from people who want to be picked up at street corners. If a cab company will not take that request, then neither will you. If the man can not find a pleasant establishment to meet you in, he is not the man for you.
I shot him down right there and then: "No. You have some homework to do. Research a spot to meet me at and then call me back. I am not meeting on a street corner." He got off the phone real quick.

Surprisingly, he called back the following afternoon and asked me to play pool downtown that night at 8pm. Nothing about this fit The Rules, so I stupidly accepted. I got there late due to traffic and parking. He was early because he walked there.

That is right, Single Girl, he choose a place that was convenient for him. No surprise there. He had been breaking my boundaries and exhausting me from the beginning, and it was right then that I realized he was competitive and controlling.
Him: I only want to play three rounds of pool, because after that I get bored.
I call this "putting a time limit"
It is a subtle way to control the date and make the other person aware that they are not in control. I made a mental note to end the date after 2 rounds of pool. Which I did. Just to fuck with him.
Him: I have a motorcycle.
Me: I have my motorocycle licence.
Him: But do you have a motorcycle? What's the use of a licence without a bike?
Him: I have a condo.
Me: I have a condo too.
Him: You have one but you don't live in it?
Him: I never want to go to Europe.

And right then and there I knew the date was dead.
I paused slightly with a pleasant smile on my face, thinking how I this would sound on my blog, and he must have felt he won because then he went for the attack:
Him: I haven't had time to memorize your profile but I think you went to 31 countries or something...yeah, I guess someday I will go to paaaahhhris or iiitttallly (dragging out the words in an insulting way) but I have just never been interested in Europe.
It was the equivalent of saying "I like to eat rotten food". I was immediately turned off. The unspoken threat was "I am undermining everything you have ever done/accomplished. I will never find value in the things that you like".

In conclusion: He had short man syndrome. See dictionary- Napoleon complex is an informal term describing an alleged type of inferiority complex which is said to affect some people, especially men, who are short in stature. The term is also used more generally to describe people who are driven by a perceived handicap to overcompensate in other aspects of their lives.

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