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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Date # 54 - "RUN!"

This date was a long time coming; and so very weird that I have not had a chance to fully explain it to myself yet, much less to you, Dear reader.
This man wrote a few messages and finally asked for my number. He called me and spoke about polite subjects for a full 10 minutes. I was very pleasantly surprised at his knowledge on the local welding union; he said he was a pipefitter. Since I adore blue collar workers, I was interested. But he did not get to the point; he didn't ask me out. So after 10 minutes I said I was busy and hung up. The following day- and every day after- he sent text messages that were extremely sappy:
"Hello Beautiful / Sunshine/ Bella/ Sweetheart"
"Have a good day/ afternoon/ night"
"Hope you had a good day/ Afternoon/ night"

I am always thrilled when a gentleman is thinking about me, but since he wasn't really saying anything, I deleted the texts and I went on with my life. And the messages kept coming. For two weeks. At some point he asked by text message (!) if I'd like to meet for dinner and a movie sometime. This is a tall order for a Date Zero and completely against The Rules.

The Rules say that the first time a Sing'al (Single Gal) meets someone from the Internet it should be strictly a drinks date, no more than an hour. This works for two reasons:
1) It keeps things light and low pressure
2) nothing is worse than being stuck at dinner with someone you have nothing in common with.
Time is precious, Gentle Reader, never waste a moment with a dud.

So back to my date. A fancy date by text message is usually sent by a man who lacks the courage of his convictions. So I said yes. If he wasn't serious then neither was I. Two can play this game of chicken. So then he ping-ponged back and forth between the obvious next steps:
When are you free?
Where to meet?
What time?
Since I don't date myself, I deleted these messages upon receipt. It's only fair. So he eventually called and we decided to meet at a restaurant near me on Saturday night at 8pm. Saturday afternoon the date descended into comic buffoonery. And after 53 online dates I do not say that lightly.

Here are the following red flags in chronological order:

-He did not confirm the date at 4pm. Most men confirm the date a few hours before. This has nothing to do with The Rules, this is just something I have noticed.

-At 8pm he texted that he was running late. I deleted it.

-Then he called to tell me the same thing. I ignored it.
A Rules girl never waits more than 5 minutes and so at 8:05 I got up to leave and got talking to the bartender. He was interesting, the bar was crowded, loud and warm with a fireplace in the corner and I literally lost track of time. The bartender got me a fresh glass of water with lemon without asking and so I sipped it for a moment to be polite. That's when I noticed a text message at 8:22pm.

-Date#54 was advising me that he was in the parking lot.
What the fuck do I care? Did he need an escort? I literally laughed out loud.
I wrote back that I was in the bar to see what he would do.

-He texted that he was in the lobby, and should he wait in line?
"Wait in line"?!? What "line"!?!
This guy was so scared of me that he was making stuff up!
So I deleted it and stood up to leave, when across the bar a man waved at me. I blinked and realized that this was my date. It had been so long since I saw his pictures that I did not recognize him. Nor should I have. Because he did not look like his pictures.

He sat down and started talking about being hungry. He ordered a drink and did not offer me one. I mentioned that he could eat dinner in the bar. He looked at me very strangely and mumbled "I don’t get out much". This man had extremely sad eyes, very dry skin and something about this statement made me pause. I sudddenly had a very bad feeling. He began to talk. I was so stunned by the bad feeling that I was not listening... Until he said that he was looking for another Justin Bieber.

Wait. What?

I had been tricked. This guy was not a respectable blue collar working class hero... He was an aspiring music producer! He said that he played an instrument (not sure which one) in a couple of bands, that he was looking forward to signing his first act "Another Justin Bieber" with his partner. He was excited to tell me that - while it didn't exist yet - they had plans to build a studio in the basement of this girl's house and produce music. Music like Justin Bieber's. To get rich. It was a get rich quick scheme.

Then he started talking about another girl he met on POF six years ago who was a country singer. She was moving to Texas to further her career...

I had heard enough.

I said I was going to the bathroom. And I walked out the front door. When I was a few blocks away, I sent an apology text outlining that we did not have a lot in common. (This is true. I am not into men who are artists). He texted to ask if he could call me, which is really ironic. But it was too little, too late.

Full Disclosure: I left this date because I had an extremely bad feeling. Always follow your gut.

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