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Friday, November 18, 2011

The Repeat Offender

The Internet is a big place, especially for a new Single Girl who is trying online dating for the first time, or taking it seriously for the first time. At the outset it would seem impossible to see the photo more than once in your inbox. It's just too vast. The reality is there are a finite number of single men out there, and if you are doing The Rules, you are only answering the messages that men send you first which narrows the field even more. Personally, I do not even open messages that do not have a clear picture, reducing my online presence still further. I do this for two reasons: one, no need to exhaust yourself reading a message from someone who isn't serious; two, the pic is usually not clear for a damn good reason.

You may notice that the same familiar face pops up more than once. For me it always happens like this: a nice, normal good-looking guy with a stable job sends me a couple notes, gets my number, calls me once or twice and then... nothing. The momentum cames to halt. Because I date using The Rules, I have a very full calendar, but I do notice this halt in progress. The Rules calls this a "Time Waster". The Rules say that this happens when a man has another woman in his life. This makes sense. He is not entirely happy (so he went on a website) but he is not entirely unhappy (and so when it get's to the point of actually scheduling a date - which all men know is cheating - he disappears)

Except he doesn't disappear.

He re-emerges sometime later... with a message that will often read "Do you remember me?"
or "Haven't heard from you in a while"
or something equally ridiculous.

I know what you are thinking, Single Girl: "He's tried the rest, now he'll try the best".
This is not true. The nicest thing you can do is DELETE this message. Let me tell you why by repeating what I just told you...

This man is not entirely happy with his current situation and he is hoping you will have a few good ideas. And if you if you ignore The Rules and act like alpha-female party planner, you may even squeeze a few dates out of him. But it will be like walking a dog on a leash on a cold day, you will just be dragging him along on an idea his not really sold on.

If you answer this kind of non-specific message, you will be confirming to him and yourself that you really are desperate and were waiting around for his message. This will satisfy his ego; it will not make him respect you. He is not entirely happy with his current situation and people (all people, even women) in this situation tend to be assholes about it.

Delete his message until he comes up with something a more specific. You do not want a man who can not hunt. You do not want a man who does not eat what he kills. But odds are he won't.

Because he is a Dud and there is no cure for that.

Full Disclosure: Unmarried men do not consider going online to be cheating, they consider it "research". They also do not consider calling another woman to be cheating, although this is the fine line where they will feel a twinge of conscience.

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