We live in a Cult of the Exceptional. Everyone wants to be special at something. And by extension, everyone wants their boyfriends or husband to be special at something. It gives us a boost of self esteem at cocktail parties. It makes it easier to achieve orgasm if the guy you are fucking used to be a golf pro in his 20s. Am I right?
This essay will be in response to my previous essay “Why Handsome Men/ Alpha Males Make Terrible Boyfriends” which elicited some comments from an anonymous reader. She argued that perhaps the handsome man was just “shy” and that I shouldn’t group people into narrow categories. First of all, let me say that ALL “anonymous” comment makers are cowardly pussies. Second, if you read The Rules you would know how silly it is to confuse a man that is not interested in you, with a man that suffers from social anxiety, or shyness. It is incredibly arrogant, Single Girl, to assume that there is something medically wrong with a man who is merely “just not that interested in you”. And it is comment makers like her that are proof of the uphill battle that I face everyday with otherwise intelligent women who have the wrong idea about men and dating.
I have dated 54 different live human males and one woman recently sad to me in passing, “Why are they all bad?”. This is incredibly misguided and short-sighted given how much I have learned during this time. But it goes to show the kind of fireworks women are expecting from a simple drinks date with a stranger. The first thing that you must abandon when you try Online dating is your stupid little girl expectations. If he was such a catch, he would be married by now…or at least not divorced. And if you were such a catch, so would you, Single Girl.
If you are doing The Rules, the most you can expect from a man after a simple drinks date (Date Zero) is a second date. That’s it. If he calls within the next few days and asks you out again, then you can consider it a WILD success. If he calls within the next few days from a Turkish prison then better luck next week. But the thing to note is that even if it’s a HUGE failure, it only means that your phone stays silent. Online Dating isn’t going to be magic each and every time. And you are stupidly delusional to expect that.
Let’s not forget that men want Exceptional too. If you are looking for a single, handsome successful doctor who volunteers, goes to church and is handy in the kitchen, garage and bedroom ….then guess what? He’s looking for the same damn thing. If you are looking for a man who is rich enough to drive a Porsche, guess what? He probably wants to trade up in life, not down. This is why you must “LISTEN and OBSERVE” when on your dates as The Rules suggest. It’s a matter of BUYER BEWARE or you maybe getting into a power struggle or endless achievement contest with a man who is unsure of himself. Take note, Single Girl, that true authenticity is not flashy. Emotional maturity is not easily noticed across the room. Prudence, virtue and courage don’t make the front covers of magazines.
Case in point: I know a beautiful young woman who put a slightly-less-than-flattering pic of herself on her online profile. That, coupled with her good-but-not-exceptional-profession of “teacher” kept her inbox a little light. However, when a serious young accountant did invite her on a date, she showed up prettier and more vivacious than he could have imagined. It’s been 2 years and he still talks about how impressed he was to meet her that first night. He felt like he won the jackpot. It’s an interesting lesson.
My belief is that in the Cult of the Exceptional, the Average man is King. I want to meet a serious, hard-working family –oriented man. That’s my wish. Of course, he will come with hobbies, and small family squabbles and peculiar habits. But in truth he will be average and that will be beautiful. I don’t have too much more to say about him because there are so few of these men around. I do know that I don’t want a man that fills my friends with jealousy. I don’t want a man that is jaded or movie star handsome or drives a car that screams “I’m vain”. I want a humble honest life and I want a man that knows the value of it.