Friday, June 1, 2012

Date #61: The lo0ser Always Rings Twice

This man sent me a series of messages online alluding to the possibility of meeting for a drink; but he was never all the way clear, and he was fairly good looking. I deleted the messages for two reasons: one, I could feel I was dangerously close to becoming the social director and two, I am making the leap from good looking to good values (which is similar to taking a vow of celibacy) and he was too much of the former.

He sent yet more messages but instead of sticking to my guns, I broke The Rules by giving him my number before he asked. I also included a stupid reminder that he not text me to death. So much for not being the social director! Quick like a bunny he began texting me, angling for a weekend date. It was already Thursday so I deleted them. He tried again the following Monday and since this is a sign of seriousness, I took him seriously. He asked for a night I was free, I suggested Thursday (three days in the future) and he agreed. He circled back on Wednesday to ask for a spot. At this point The Rules advise it is okay to suggest a spot convenient for you, and he has to love it or leave it. He loved it.

Precisely 1 hour before the scheduled date he texted that he needed to be 15 minutes late to make a work phone call. This is bad sign. He knew about the date first, and it should be given top priority. The Rules remind us that any man who is serious about meeting a woman will not pull stunts like this. To put this in perspective, he wouldn't do that to a top client he was trying to sign to a big deal, amirite?
Mostly what he was saying was: Don’t take me seriously. I'm a flake.

However, everyone gets sidetracked. Maybe he was telling the truth or maybe he was sick. I am not trying to win awards for being inflexible; so I responded in manspeak:

"No prob. I'll wait 5 min. Otherwise we can reschedule".

Well, that got him! He wrote back "Deal" and was there early. He was good looking, funny and kept the conversation light and moving. I was calm, not too talkative and laughed at his stories.
I enjoyed one glass of wine and ended the date first. (Point for me!)
He walked me to my car and we pecked goodnight. (Point for him!)

I was walking on air. I figured it would be a good sign if he reconnected within three days. And so I was pleasantly surprised went he sent a text within the hour: "Thanks for the drink. I really needed it :)" I wrote "I had a great time" and he wrote "me too". I prayed he would not write anymore and ruin it. But my prayer was not answered.

The next text was "So what are you looking for from this?" (Read: Is it cool if I booty call you later?)
I was thinking "Awe...Why'dja hafta ruin it?" and that is what I wrote.

As expected, this caused him to reach Rage Level 10. He told me I was a "lo0ser" and not his type. Really? Smart and beautiful with good values and lots of money is not his type? But what he really meant was:
How did you get me here? I didn't ask for your number, I didn't plan the date... I just wanna fuck.

This is why it doesn’t pay to be the Social Director when meeting someone for the first time. He had told me he lived with a lazy broke Australian. He told me it was like living in a frat house and that he loved it. I don't blame him; I used to live in a frat house too (long story) and I loved it. So there he will stay.

But it doesn’t end there, Dear Reader!

The following morning – BRIGHT and EARLY – I received the following message from “Tony from Woodbridge”: (Reader’s Note: Wes is the name of the guy I actually met.)

Don't text strangers. Especially not Tony from Woodbridge.

Anyone who has read this blog knows that this is the first time this has happened. Ever. To Anyone. On Planet Earth. Let me take a moment and point out a couple of things I have learned from Online Dating:

1) People from Woodbridge can’t form sentences.
2) Men do not use the word “date” in text messages.
3) Men do not tell their whole life story to a stranger via text message: “I was on POF and I met this girl named Mary…”
4) Everyone knows that when you do online dating you do not need to write down people’s numbers! Your phone does it for you! (sheesh, I was born at night, but not last night)
5) His order of operations is messed up. Any guy that was going to get a girl’s number would have done so before he planned the date. He would not have planned the date online and then asked for her number as some bizarre afterthought.
6) I have never met a man who confirmed a Saturday night date on a Friday morning at 11am. That is 30 hours earlier than anything I – or The Rules - have ever experienced.

I am fairly certain that this was a prank engineered by Date#61. Bitch Please.

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