Monday, November 9, 2015

The Exposed Life of Caroline Stanbury, Lady of London S2E9

Same, Caroline.
Episode 9: Unbelievable Balls

More Meaningful Title: Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from Caroline Stanbury

The Place: Hotel D'Angleterre, Copenhagen, Denmark

Opening Sequence...
They all exit their rooms like some sort of off-Broadway bedroom comedy. Caroline is not going anywhere, though; she is hiding in Fleming's bed, awaiting her man servant makeup artist. Fleming answers the door FOR Caroline. Get this! Caroline's got Fleming - a Baroness, in her own country - acting as her butler! You blow my mind Caroline.  In an act of upmarket social grooming, Caroline's makeup artist picks bits of caviar out her hair. Is there a more glamorous woman on earth?

Then it's time to pack up and move to Fleming's family estate in a short bus. This has never happened before, but they actually re-used footage of the ladies exiting the hotel. You can see that the person Annabelle is wearing a white shirt and NO coat in the scene, moments later she's wearing a black outfit WITH a coat on the bus. 
They arrive at the Valdemar's Castle and it's heartstoppingly beautiful and full of magic. Caroline crawls into a bed (I SAW THAT COMING) and orders her man servant makeup artist to get the champagne he was storing in his luggage. This woman is fantastic. Juliet's room is a canopy bed attached to the family chapel and my heart leaped out of my chest for the beauty of it all.

The first formal dinner happens... They all look stunning but the person Annabelle looks more beautiful than I've ever seen her and yet is behaving like she is possessed by a demon. 

Do you see the person Annabelle here?

Then stupid stupid Marissa starts shit when she asks what was said on the bus over to the palace... SHUT UP SHUT UP MARISSA! You do have a big stupid mouth. Her look of fuckery from underneath her eyelashes is psychopathic. A fairly heated exchange ensues between the person Annabelle and Caroline. Lady Julie is collateral damage in the form of the ragged doll they both have in their clenched jaws.

Drink the poison.

Best Line of the Episode
"I want to say to my husband, this was the best four days of my life!" - Lady Julie, on the disaster that is Denmark. I love that Lady Julie wants to share the best fun of her life with her husband, I love Relaxed Lady Julie (TM) right now!

Caroline beautifully resolves that Lady Julie has gained strength in recent months and that she need not be in Annabelle's shadow. This sends Annabelle into apoplexy. She sits at the end of the DINNER TABLE smoking like a chimney, laughing at the air and being miserable. Not to mention Fleming who is terrified these wild animals will tear apart her dining room and embarrass her in front of her family. 

Cut to... 
The Next Morning! 
They have all slept through breakfast! 
Fleming is incandescant with rage! 

Sophie apologizes and Fleming absolutely lets her have it!  That's a bit unfair, really, because they were ALL late. Sophie continues to be gracious in the face of it, while Annabelle cackles madly in the background when Caroline and Fleming get into it. 

I am Annabelle's misplaced rage.
The Drama!
IN the most hilariously scripted portion of the entire series, the person Annabelle exercises her acting chops while Sophie bites her lips to keep from laughing. A tell-all book as been written about he-who-shall-not-be-named (Hint: Alexander McQueen) and now a small little stupid tabloid has written a blurb about a man who died FIVE EARTH YEARS AGO and Annabelle blubbers like her home has burned down. The women - sans Caroline - band together and pretend her bad behaviour is forgiven and understandable. How manipulative. So grateful Caroline didn't fall for that shit.

Then shit gets really real. Fleming and Caroline attend the family plot where Fleming's mother is buried. Losing her mother at such a young age is *extremely* painful for Fleming and my heart breaks for her...

Enough real life... Back to the palace! Wearing a selection of - seriously - the most marvelous full length evening gowns, they attend a formal dinner in room so beautifully appointed I thought I saw roses floating above the table. I found the cocktail hour of the evening a little awkward: the person Annabelle behaves (drunken?) flirtatiously, Caroline is perfect, Marissa is surprisingly adept (because she a budding sociopath?), Lady Julie is silent and calm and Juliet is late. Fleming makes a speech to greet everyone ...and suddenly she and Marissa are sharing meaningful looks across the table! They exchange warm words, hug and now all is forgiven and forgotten! Marissa even gives a little speech about how much she "loves" Fleming! Wha'?

The final few minutes are back to being a surrealist hodgepodge of images. Am I too understand that Sophie gets so drunk that she literally physically assaults people in the grand ballroom, kicking them with her bare feet? Dear Reader, I will let you be the judge. They appear to jump around, screaming like lunatics; Sophie the ringleader and Lady Julie her loyal follower. Mark my words, Dear Reader, we are going to find out that Sophie is actually allergic to alcohol and/or secretly a werewolf and her behaviour is a result of mild poisoning and/or the full moon.

Food Caroline Talked About In This Episode
She attends two palace dinners and a breakfast

Food Caroline Actually Ate In this Episode
None << No one else could do this.

Next Week: The New Queen Bee Bikini

We need to shed a collective tear, Dear Reader, because this is touted as the "Season Finale" - not the Series Finale, thank God - just the season. I'm almost seriously depressed, if depression were a thing you could turn on and off. I've never had so much fun watching a show, what will I do with my time? It's like my own personal Gift Library is closing...

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