Friday, November 14, 2014

The Honest Dating Profile

Hi. Welcome to my profile. Right up front – rather than tell you what I have to offer, or positive aspects about my successes in life - I’m gonna go ahead and tell you a little bit about what I am NOT looking for in another strange human (with the foolish belief that I won’t manifest what I give attention to).

I’m (not) looking for a man who wants to change his situation.
I have no interest in “changing your current situation”. The thought of being stuck with a man who already drove his marriage in the ditch, plus his kids, plus an ex-wife…? No. As any single girl knows, a widower is better. 
(Can you manage that? Just don’t blame me, k?)

Being used for sex is every woman’s dream [sarcasm].
For a man requesting free sex on a dating website (real men hire sex workers), you certainly have A LOT of rules. I miss when sex was supposed to be fun. Hilariously, you aren’t really negotiating from a position of strength. From the looks of things you are sad, overweight and broke. You seem to blame women for your current situation (the sexless marriage, the one you don’t want to change) and yet you hunger for pussy. Personally, I don’t understand why you would post more dick pics than face pics, but I will let history decide. You find yourself in a quandary, friend, and I sincerely feel for you.

Winning at the Game of Life.
So, stop writing that you are not “seeking arrangement” because it’s so completely rude I can not tell you.
Are you really receiving that many emails from hookers that you need to write it in your profile?
I have a hard time believing that. Everyone has a hard time believing that.
While I agree that women can be cold, that women should NOT use sex as a weapon, and that marriages come with kids, I feel like you should have discussed this before you got married. These are the obvious problems that could have game plans ahead of time.
See? I used a sports analogy! That proves I’m really “easy going”, right?

You are (not) superior.
Reading other people’s dating profiles and judging them on form or content within the body of your OWN dating profile is a perverse from of meta-masochism. If you don’t know what that means, it means it will not get you a date for this weekend. Someone scribbled on the internet and you wrote a PhD thesis about it. If you spent that much time reading and writing in high school you would have a better job today. #sorrynotsorry

That being said, I really like sports and I am very easy going. Call me!